Assume Misunderstanding - Because That's the Way It Is

Filed in archive Communications on August 18, 2006

Communication is a really challenging subject. It is the glue that makes organizations and relationships between people work. And many times, it is done poorly, making it one of the key factors in most organizational problems.

A great definition of communication is to "create understanding". That, of course, is much more than sending a message via whatever mechanism you choose to send it. You are not done with your communicating job until the people you want to communicate with understand your message. Think of the numerous letters, notes, and emails we receive in the work place that do not make sense. In these cases, the message is sent and misunderstood.

It turns out the written word (including e-mail) is the most imprecise method of communication. You can't ask questions. You can't see and interpret the demeanor of the sender. All you can do is interpret as best you can. An example of how difficult a job this is can be shown by the different understandings of As Soon As Possible (ASAP). Research has shown there has been a pretty even split between it meaning right away or when you can fit it in. (It is probably a good idea to understand how your boss interprets ASAP).

The phone is the next best mechanism because you can sense tone and ask questions. Person to person is the best because you can read body language which always communicates accurately and can help you understand if the person really believes what they are saying. Body language is also a great source of feedback as to where you are being understood or misunderstood. Tone, questions, and body language are really feedback mechanisms that can help you insure you are creating understanding.

There are a few key concepts to keep in mind in order to help you communicate effectively:

Assume Misunderstanding. There is a study which indicates that misunderstanding is the common state between individuals and groups rather than understanding - even though we assume the opposite.

Select the Best Method or Methods for Communicating. For example, don't try to communicate complex subjects in writing only. Perhaps send out a written document followed with detailed discussions. Maybe follow-up phone calls would help. More than one method is almost always recommended to insure understanding takes place.

Don't Stop Communicating Until the Message is Understood. Make sure you have feedback mechanisms to determine if understanding has been achieved. If not, keep at it.

Develop a Communications Strategy and Plan. Understand all the mechanisms available for communication and tailor their application to each communication event. Capture the specific approach in a written plan so everyone knows who is doing what, when it needs to be done, progress in creating understanding can be checked, and adjustment made.

In closing, let's briefly discuss 'dumb questions'. We have all heard people say there are 'no dumb questions'. However, it has been found that because people fear others may think their questions are dumb, they will not ask the questions. This has been verified by talking with people who left meetings not understanding what was going on, but who would not risk the embarrassment of asking what they feared would be a dumb question. As the communicator, you need to deal with this. You can notice through body language when people do not understand and fix it on the spot.

So let's go for: "I Understand You" rather than "I Hear You."