Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry
Do you remember that 1970's movie with Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw, Love Story, in which the tag line was just that "love means never having to say you're sorry.
My mom and I went to see that and had to sit in the darkened Theatre for 15 minutes afterward to pull our sobbing selfs together.
Once we got out of there my mom said "that's a bunch of hooie – when you are married you say "sorry" all the time!"
Well, whether you believe the movie or my mom, there are times when you have to say "no" and the second thing out of your mouth is "I'm sorry."
Why do we do that? When someone asks a favor or requests that we work on a committee or do a project for less than our regular price – why do we follow up "no" with "I'm sorry?"
Are we really sorry?
What are we sorry for?
Leo Babauta of Freelance Switch offers 8 Essential Strategies for Saying No and number 8 is just that – don't say I'm sorry.
8. Never say you're sorry. Again, you have to respect your time. If you apologize, you are sending the message that you are doing something wrong by saying no, that somehow you don't have a strong right to say no. It's very tempting to apologize, I know. We often say things like, "I'm sorry, but …" or "I wish I could, I'm so sorry" just because we're uncomfortable giving an outright no. But again, you are sending the wrong message.
Save your "I'm sorry" for when you really mean it. Like when your teen asks to borrow the car keys. hahaha.
Deborah Chaddock Brown
Writer
Communications | admin | 02 September 2007 |
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By Tim King, September 3, 2007 @ 12:37 pm
“Sorry, but…” is one of my pet peeves, because if you were truly sorry, there would be no “but.” I understand, though, that we would like to soften the blow. I never thought “Sorry” actually softened the blow. Others may feel differently, because to many people it may be important to know that someone feels sorry, even if he can’t do anything about it.
-TimK
By JMG, September 23, 2007 @ 5:21 am
I recall as a teen in the 70′s my mother making the same statement concerning it making no sense “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” After sharing (in my opinion) the truly deeper meaning, she wholeheartedly agreed. To me, the meaning is simply this: If you love someone, you would avoid hurting them at all costs and in turn, not have to apologize for disappointing them. Mind you, we kept “sorry” to a minimum (as opposed to people who freely toss apologies around as they are apparently expected to cover a multitude of mistakes). Anyone agree with my meaning, it would be nice to know. Thanks! Jill
By dikopa, May 4, 2009 @ 4:00 am
Transporter3 (look for here http://rapid4me.com/?q=transporter3 ):I wanted Frank to shoot the leading lady and handcuff her to the wheel so that the car would not explode,(if you saw the movie you will understand) Burn after Reading: I love dark comedy, but this was by far the stupidest movie I have ever seen and truly felt like I wanted a refund on the minutes wasted watching.Bangkock (?) Dangerous: Truly a boring movie with a horriable ending and I usually love anything with Nicolas Cage in it. Lost in Space: The only movie I ever walked out of, could not take anymore of the stilted dialogue between the characters. The Hulk: The original movie, a true disgrace to anyone who is a fan of the comic book and a movie fan.